He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
