today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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