I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
