This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
