M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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