I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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