So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
