I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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