And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
false alarm, still single
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
