that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
