just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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