you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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