He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Randomize
