I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
