In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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