dude i'm inner monologue high
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
