he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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