Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
