just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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