Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
