Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize