she looked like the before picture.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
