I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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