Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
