so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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