just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
