OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
