My liver just broke up with me...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
