Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
