On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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