Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
