I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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