god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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