You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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