God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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