I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
