dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize