Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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