dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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