Define "chronic" masturbator.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
