I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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