You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
