ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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