I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
