Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize