"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
