I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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