Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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