I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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