escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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