if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
