Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
