you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
