at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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