It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i will never coherently bang her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
