we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
