Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
from now on my penis is your penis
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wear drunk well.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
