i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
