i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
