Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
