I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize