come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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