I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
