tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
