He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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