If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
