I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize