I want to have your abortion
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
