Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
