i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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