I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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