I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
