are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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