Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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