how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
