their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
